U-Turn

I feel lost; suddenly life feels so low
Is it because life is playing hard to get;
Or is it because I am trying too hard?

Efforts equal success; so try and try till you succeed?
How can you when your morale is so low?
When all you think is to leave this chaos behind and just go!

Go back or go on; what would you choose?
"Depends" is the new "yes"

Evaluation and decision making; that's what they teach you in b-school;
And you come out with new ideas, jargon, equipped with new tools

So how do I end this? Where do I go?
I feel like taking a U-turn; I feel like letting go!

So I get back; with viguor and jest
To fulfill the dream I had once set...!

Locks and Keys

Do you have curly locks? I do and the most irritating part about them is taking care of unruly hair. You must have seen all the hair-care product advertisements where they show how a model’s unruly, rough, dry, and frizzy hair turn into Goldie-locks after a wash with the particular hair products..!! I have also fallen prey to some of the advertisements gimmicks in the past, but not anymore!

I’ll call this a sign of maturity that I have come to accept my curly locks (with a pinch of salt). Of course I have found a solution to it… a hair straighter; a temporary one though!

Reading till now you must be thinking why am I writing on curly hair?! Well, I just tried to place this example to help me explain and touch upon a bigger topic at hand; viz. every lock has a key; every problem has a solution! Look for the solution around you, if in stress, step back, calm down and look for a solution, you’ll find it.

I have recently taken up studies again; and believe me getting back to sitting in one place for more than 2 hrs is just too much! Also the fact that you have to listen to a person talk in all those two hours…arrgghh… no salary, and o yes, did I forget to mention; you cannot bunk!! I had prepared myself to get back to being a student, and I am enjoying it… reading material, presentations, exam jitters...et.al.

It’s a bumpy ride full of enriching experiences. MBA does teach you to live life “holistically”. You get to learn a lot about personalities, how to get along with people. Life throws a lot of surprises. Lot’s of doors to open. And the key lies in your mind. Be open to accept challenges, be it in different people, different situations.

Reminds me of a song by Billy Joel titled “We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning when the world was turning…” and suddenly I am back at my study desk; it’s time to unlock and unwind.  

a little birdie...

It happened one fine morning as I was sitting on a bench;
a little birdie flew by and brought the train of my thoughts to a halt.

Leave behind your troubles, pick up your joys
Bring the sun on; dress up and smile

I let it guide me; I flew with it adding wings to my dreams
Soared high and far to lands yet virgin

The flight soared through clouds dark and dense;
and brought with me little rain drops, that were captured in a lens

I flip through the pages of my album, looking back at all the memories
smiling at some and waving the tears away;

Cherishing the treasures; building bridges, strengthening bonds;

Assuming that you will always lead me on.. on to the paths yet untrodden,
On to dreams yet unfulfilled; to emerge into a swan from a duckling!

Yes, lead me on birdie, to the beautiful life that lies;
To hope and energy I bow my head down to Thee and say Amen!

The Confessions of a Confused Human Mind

Tell you what’s bothering you right now..? The fear of the unknown, and the uncertainties of life!We are encircled by many such worries day in day out. For some we find out logical answers; some remain unanswered (alas!). And in our indomitable, and indefatigable spirit of the human mind of finding out answers to the unanswered questions we seek comfort in the ultimate power! We turn to Him to answer our questions and cry in comfort.

So in turn what really pulls us to Him is nothing but our faith that He will rid us of the fear of the unknown! Let me confess, I am not a super-religious person, no; not an atheist and not at all an agnostic person by nature. So although I do not keep fasts, nor do I pray everyday; I do believe that He answers to my sub-conscience. Like any other mortal soul I seek His blessings before starting anything new. “Why?” you would ask; well because ‘the new’ is indeed ‘the unknown’ and ‘the uncertain’. So praying to Him and thanking Him, is my way of seeking solace and comfort.

When curiosity got the better of Pandora and she opened the box to let all the vices enter the world, she did let hope enter our lives too. And it is this hope that builds the patience in us to look forward to and be ready to embrace change with an open heart.

Then why are we so confused? Why do we bribe Him to answer our questions and not be patient? I do not think that we do not have faith in Him; I guess we are just too impatient to keep waiting…  it was this impatience that made Pandora open that box; and it is this impatience that makes us bribe our way out. But of course now, imagine if Eve would have been patient would mankind have progressed?!

Think about it; and as I leave you confused, there is only one old Hindi film song that’s stuck on my lips “Mann re tu kaahe na dhir dhare..?”

S & The City

I miss all my girlie parties, the banter and the gossip… those long talks on fashion, Bollywood, music, latest ‘IT’ guy, the greek hero, food, travel, the next planned vacation, the name of the next person to be hitched, the other luxuries of life… so on and so forth…

It had been some time since our college group had met and exchanged information (a sophisticated term for gossip!!). So it was decided then, to meet and catch up on all the things lost in transit (of working round the clock, not getting time to call, talk, email, getting married, travelling, et.al.)

And what fun we had… you see women love to talk, share and opine (whether the audience wants to hear them or not). So here we were four of us, meeting after almost four months and catching up on the latest news. The other two could not make it, one stays out of the country and the other was at her little one's PTA!

Life changes and how; but women will remain girls at heart. We met and thoroughly enjoyed the luncheon. The light banter started with updating each other on the routine happenings; viz. office, home. Then it moved on to films, music, art shows. Oh yes our favorite diet and exercise!! and all of this while relishing the delicious Chinese food followed by dessert! So the next two hours were spent on learning different ‘yog asanas’ and diet tips. And not to let the other two girls from the gang miss out on any action we connected on skype and the mobile.

All in all, the S and the City lunch was fantastic, and we achieved a lot in those 3 hours; including planning and discussing on vacations (goa, jungle safaris) and lots of valuable tips (latest fashion, bargaining corners in the city) among other important things. So the take-away home besides the Chinese food: drop your guard, and experiment..!  

Where am I Heading?

Yes I am back, after a short hiatus.. I was caught up figuring out an answer to the eternal question… “Where am I heading?”

Seriously life was easier when this question was left over to our parents to decide. I mean think about it, in retrospect don’t you feel that your parents’ choice was the best? In terms of your school, college, tuition classes, extracurricular classes, what you wear, eat… (the list is endless). You see one just had to wake up every morning (of course I did forget to mention that one would be woken up), go through the routine ablutions, get dressed, breakfast (which btw would be served hot at the table) and head to school..(yay!)

Then the big day of heading to college (after graduating school); but no worries, everything was set one step at a time. Move with the herd and one shall remain safe (the risk averse approach). Trust me herd mentality goes a long way in shaping our opinions and thoughts. Although I do not know how many of those brave souls who dared to venture out by themselves in this “big bad” world really knew where they were heading..

As for me, I am an average person of an average intellect, so I had my parents decide my way till I graduated. It was then that I faced the real world and its questions and choices. I took my chances and learnt through the process. Tried to prove to myself that I am different. Now after spending considerable amount of time thinking I am indeed different, I am back to asking myself what the old guv asked me before.. of course, “where am I heading?”

You see this question although ambiguous and frustrating is very vital. Life isn’t as simple as it used to be. Its dynamic and so well connected today that what happens to for example an average American is felt across at the other end of the spectrum.

So think hard(ly)! Yes one can be a free spirit and experiment. But work out the costs and the benefits and choose wisely.. OMG, did I sound too much like your old guv? Then let me tell you a little secret; go with your heart, as life hardly follows the rules of the brain!

A short story

It was a Monday morning, yet Amy got up with a palpable sense of excitement,”God, I want to look my best today!” she thought aloud.

It was after all Amy’s special day! She had waited long enough for her moment. And this was it; her moment of truth. She had been chosen as ‘The Designer of the Year’ and she was getting ready for the grand finale.

Last year had zipped past her. Amy still remembered the cold September in Paris when she had received critical acclaim for her designs and her theme: ‘Out of the Closet’. Critiques and fashionistas had rated her show the best. They loved the couture, the cuts, the colours, et al. and praised Amy for the same. However what no one felt or saw were the emotions behind the clothesline.

Amy had spent umpteen numbers of days and nights “fighting the demons”; her mother had used this term; when Amy finally came out of the closet. Amy had never belonged to the crème de la crème crowd and it was the helplessness and constant denial she saw in her parents’ eyes that made her move out. She announced one night over dinner that she had planned to move to Delhi as an intern under the famous fashion designer Vikram Kapoor. Her joi de vive was however doused under the cacophony of the city traffic outside and the fighting demons (her family) inside.

Amy left for Delhi the next morning.

Her mother used to call her impatient and naughty. During her pre mature birth the doctors had given her and her mother a bleak chance of survival. But Amy was a fighter and it was her impatience to see the world that saved the mother-daughter duo.

Amy tried her best to adjust to the Delhi life. The over crowded state transport, the long grueling work hours, the brain storming sessions et al. had made her loose a lot more than just weight. She missed her mom’s fish curry and her grand mom’s pickles. She missed having dinner at the table with the family.

Vikram Kapoor was very hard to please. He would always manage to reach his office sharp at 9.00 am sunshine or rain. It was tough to join his ship and the fact that Amy had; spoke a lot about her talent. Vikram had noticed her work during an inter college fest and had hand written to her to join his ship. It was upon receiving his letter that Amy had decided to come out of the closet.

Vikram had an eye for talent. He liked Amy’s dedication, her impatience for perfection, her creativity. Amy on the other hand looked up to her mentor not only for his knowledge, and experience but also because he accepted Amy as she was.

It had been more than 3 years since Amy started interning with Vikram. Her mother and grand mother had by now come to terms with her reality. And it was now normal to see Amy’s kitchen shelf filled with pickle bottles. She still missed the fish curry though. She was sure the ladies back home would convince her father some day. And she was waiting patiently for that moment.

Amy had climbed the corporate ladder sans any favours. Her designs now featured regularly in Vikram’s shows. She was ecstatic when Vikram told her, “You have now graduated to be my colleague”. “I always knew you had an eye for talent!” she had replied back and both had laughed a lot. Vikram offered to showcase her designs under his company’s name at the upcoming Delhi Fashion Week. “They’ll just love you Amy, trust me”, he had said.

That evening Amy walked the ramp with her show stopper under a blitzkrieg of applause. Amy went on to do a lot of shows for Vikram’s company; till the time she thought her name could be a brand by itself.

She thought hard for the designs. This was after all her first solo effort. She was having pickle rice and reading her mother’s letter when she thought of her line’s name. Her mom had ended the letter with her blessings, love and pride for her daughter! Amy knew what she had to design.

The day had finally dawned and Amy had butterflies in her stomach. Her show was slated to be the grand finale of the evening but she had something else on her mind. She had invited her whole family and her mother had promised to bring her father along.

The show was a grand success. They loved her theme: “Out of The Closet”. As Amy took a bow, she saw her family waving to her with tear filled eyes. “Wow, thank you mom for bringing dad”, she said to herself.

As the applause died, the chief guest of the evening came on the stage to present the award to Amy. Amy thanked her family, friends, Vikram and then said something that stunned the crowd and made her father hug her!

She just spoke the truth.

“Honorable audience, colleagues, now that I have finished thanking everyone, I have a few apologies to make. I apologize to my parents for making them go through the misery all by themselves while I ran away to Delhi …”

She went on to narrate her story. “And finally I apologize to the whole world for keeping my real identity under wraps. I Amit Kumar thank you all for liking my brand and helping me truly come out of the closet!”

All Amy, sorry Amit Kumar could see was his father running towards him. No flashbulbs clouded his vision. As Amy collapsed in her father’s arms and loving gaze she knew she had made him proud by doing the right thing.

Looking back on that day, she thought to herself, “You have definitely arrived!”