Two Cents on Marriage!

So how do you know you have chosen the right path in life? I mean everything is uncertain to a certain extent and there is hardly any event with a probability equal to 1. To quote the famous English poet O Henry “The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate. “

With that let me introduce my topic: I am going to speak on the institution of marriage!

Now u all may ask me what is so funny about marriage? I mean isn’t it a serious institution? And you are absolutely right. I mean no one choses death, death choses u!!

So at the onset let me say that I am not here to ridicule the system, but since I am a part of the system, I do have some right to poke some fun, tongue in cheek, pun intended!

So two years ago, when the spectre loomed on me, my mother came to my rescue. She gave me an advice that I will share with u today. She said, you are on the threshold of starting a new life, a new beginning, take your steps carefully, remember that 1 has to be accommodative, understanding, compassionate blah blah blah blah…. I stopped her short; I couldn’t hear any more of those adjectives and attributes. I told her, “Yes Ma Anup is all that and more…”

She looked at me with a poker face and then said” u go girl”

But on a serious note, yes one has to be accommodative, unprejudiced, sans any biases in life… and yes by “one” I mean the husband..!

And in case you forget all or any of these remember the guru mantra shared in one of our MGTO classes, leave aside the anchoring bias, the groupthink, the representation bias, the information asymmetry and all that jazz, o wait did I forget to mention any other heuristic?

According to the e-dictionary read Wikipedia, Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships are nurtured.

I feel we as a generation are very lucky to have such a grounded institution. We know we have someone to fall back on and realise that this one person will (hopefully) never leave ur side come what may.. june or july….

I belive in this institution, trust me I do, for god’s sake m wearing my wedding ring…I believe that marriage helps u make the choice between what is right and what is the husband’s opinion!

So yes all u mere mortal souls, go get married, increase the working age population, at the same time remember that with gr8 power, comes great responsibility; after all your spouse is going to be  your best friend for life! Go make the best of it..!

U-Turn

I feel lost; suddenly life feels so low
Is it because life is playing hard to get;
Or is it because I am trying too hard?

Efforts equal success; so try and try till you succeed?
How can you when your morale is so low?
When all you think is to leave this chaos behind and just go!

Go back or go on; what would you choose?
"Depends" is the new "yes"

Evaluation and decision making; that's what they teach you in b-school;
And you come out with new ideas, jargon, equipped with new tools

So how do I end this? Where do I go?
I feel like taking a U-turn; I feel like letting go!

So I get back; with viguor and jest
To fulfill the dream I had once set...!

Locks and Keys

Do you have curly locks? I do and the most irritating part about them is taking care of unruly hair. You must have seen all the hair-care product advertisements where they show how a model’s unruly, rough, dry, and frizzy hair turn into Goldie-locks after a wash with the particular hair products..!! I have also fallen prey to some of the advertisements gimmicks in the past, but not anymore!

I’ll call this a sign of maturity that I have come to accept my curly locks (with a pinch of salt). Of course I have found a solution to it… a hair straighter; a temporary one though!

Reading till now you must be thinking why am I writing on curly hair?! Well, I just tried to place this example to help me explain and touch upon a bigger topic at hand; viz. every lock has a key; every problem has a solution! Look for the solution around you, if in stress, step back, calm down and look for a solution, you’ll find it.

I have recently taken up studies again; and believe me getting back to sitting in one place for more than 2 hrs is just too much! Also the fact that you have to listen to a person talk in all those two hours…arrgghh… no salary, and o yes, did I forget to mention; you cannot bunk!! I had prepared myself to get back to being a student, and I am enjoying it… reading material, presentations, exam jitters...et.al.

It’s a bumpy ride full of enriching experiences. MBA does teach you to live life “holistically”. You get to learn a lot about personalities, how to get along with people. Life throws a lot of surprises. Lot’s of doors to open. And the key lies in your mind. Be open to accept challenges, be it in different people, different situations.

Reminds me of a song by Billy Joel titled “We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning when the world was turning…” and suddenly I am back at my study desk; it’s time to unlock and unwind.  

a little birdie...

It happened one fine morning as I was sitting on a bench;
a little birdie flew by and brought the train of my thoughts to a halt.

Leave behind your troubles, pick up your joys
Bring the sun on; dress up and smile

I let it guide me; I flew with it adding wings to my dreams
Soared high and far to lands yet virgin

The flight soared through clouds dark and dense;
and brought with me little rain drops, that were captured in a lens

I flip through the pages of my album, looking back at all the memories
smiling at some and waving the tears away;

Cherishing the treasures; building bridges, strengthening bonds;

Assuming that you will always lead me on.. on to the paths yet untrodden,
On to dreams yet unfulfilled; to emerge into a swan from a duckling!

Yes, lead me on birdie, to the beautiful life that lies;
To hope and energy I bow my head down to Thee and say Amen!

The Confessions of a Confused Human Mind

Tell you what’s bothering you right now..? The fear of the unknown, and the uncertainties of life!We are encircled by many such worries day in day out. For some we find out logical answers; some remain unanswered (alas!). And in our indomitable, and indefatigable spirit of the human mind of finding out answers to the unanswered questions we seek comfort in the ultimate power! We turn to Him to answer our questions and cry in comfort.

So in turn what really pulls us to Him is nothing but our faith that He will rid us of the fear of the unknown! Let me confess, I am not a super-religious person, no; not an atheist and not at all an agnostic person by nature. So although I do not keep fasts, nor do I pray everyday; I do believe that He answers to my sub-conscience. Like any other mortal soul I seek His blessings before starting anything new. “Why?” you would ask; well because ‘the new’ is indeed ‘the unknown’ and ‘the uncertain’. So praying to Him and thanking Him, is my way of seeking solace and comfort.

When curiosity got the better of Pandora and she opened the box to let all the vices enter the world, she did let hope enter our lives too. And it is this hope that builds the patience in us to look forward to and be ready to embrace change with an open heart.

Then why are we so confused? Why do we bribe Him to answer our questions and not be patient? I do not think that we do not have faith in Him; I guess we are just too impatient to keep waiting…  it was this impatience that made Pandora open that box; and it is this impatience that makes us bribe our way out. But of course now, imagine if Eve would have been patient would mankind have progressed?!

Think about it; and as I leave you confused, there is only one old Hindi film song that’s stuck on my lips “Mann re tu kaahe na dhir dhare..?”

S & The City

I miss all my girlie parties, the banter and the gossip… those long talks on fashion, Bollywood, music, latest ‘IT’ guy, the greek hero, food, travel, the next planned vacation, the name of the next person to be hitched, the other luxuries of life… so on and so forth…

It had been some time since our college group had met and exchanged information (a sophisticated term for gossip!!). So it was decided then, to meet and catch up on all the things lost in transit (of working round the clock, not getting time to call, talk, email, getting married, travelling, et.al.)

And what fun we had… you see women love to talk, share and opine (whether the audience wants to hear them or not). So here we were four of us, meeting after almost four months and catching up on the latest news. The other two could not make it, one stays out of the country and the other was at her little one's PTA!

Life changes and how; but women will remain girls at heart. We met and thoroughly enjoyed the luncheon. The light banter started with updating each other on the routine happenings; viz. office, home. Then it moved on to films, music, art shows. Oh yes our favorite diet and exercise!! and all of this while relishing the delicious Chinese food followed by dessert! So the next two hours were spent on learning different ‘yog asanas’ and diet tips. And not to let the other two girls from the gang miss out on any action we connected on skype and the mobile.

All in all, the S and the City lunch was fantastic, and we achieved a lot in those 3 hours; including planning and discussing on vacations (goa, jungle safaris) and lots of valuable tips (latest fashion, bargaining corners in the city) among other important things. So the take-away home besides the Chinese food: drop your guard, and experiment..!  

Where am I Heading?

Yes I am back, after a short hiatus.. I was caught up figuring out an answer to the eternal question… “Where am I heading?”

Seriously life was easier when this question was left over to our parents to decide. I mean think about it, in retrospect don’t you feel that your parents’ choice was the best? In terms of your school, college, tuition classes, extracurricular classes, what you wear, eat… (the list is endless). You see one just had to wake up every morning (of course I did forget to mention that one would be woken up), go through the routine ablutions, get dressed, breakfast (which btw would be served hot at the table) and head to school..(yay!)

Then the big day of heading to college (after graduating school); but no worries, everything was set one step at a time. Move with the herd and one shall remain safe (the risk averse approach). Trust me herd mentality goes a long way in shaping our opinions and thoughts. Although I do not know how many of those brave souls who dared to venture out by themselves in this “big bad” world really knew where they were heading..

As for me, I am an average person of an average intellect, so I had my parents decide my way till I graduated. It was then that I faced the real world and its questions and choices. I took my chances and learnt through the process. Tried to prove to myself that I am different. Now after spending considerable amount of time thinking I am indeed different, I am back to asking myself what the old guv asked me before.. of course, “where am I heading?”

You see this question although ambiguous and frustrating is very vital. Life isn’t as simple as it used to be. Its dynamic and so well connected today that what happens to for example an average American is felt across at the other end of the spectrum.

So think hard(ly)! Yes one can be a free spirit and experiment. But work out the costs and the benefits and choose wisely.. OMG, did I sound too much like your old guv? Then let me tell you a little secret; go with your heart, as life hardly follows the rules of the brain!

A short story

It was a Monday morning, yet Amy got up with a palpable sense of excitement,”God, I want to look my best today!” she thought aloud.

It was after all Amy’s special day! She had waited long enough for her moment. And this was it; her moment of truth. She had been chosen as ‘The Designer of the Year’ and she was getting ready for the grand finale.

Last year had zipped past her. Amy still remembered the cold September in Paris when she had received critical acclaim for her designs and her theme: ‘Out of the Closet’. Critiques and fashionistas had rated her show the best. They loved the couture, the cuts, the colours, et al. and praised Amy for the same. However what no one felt or saw were the emotions behind the clothesline.

Amy had spent umpteen numbers of days and nights “fighting the demons”; her mother had used this term; when Amy finally came out of the closet. Amy had never belonged to the crème de la crème crowd and it was the helplessness and constant denial she saw in her parents’ eyes that made her move out. She announced one night over dinner that she had planned to move to Delhi as an intern under the famous fashion designer Vikram Kapoor. Her joi de vive was however doused under the cacophony of the city traffic outside and the fighting demons (her family) inside.

Amy left for Delhi the next morning.

Her mother used to call her impatient and naughty. During her pre mature birth the doctors had given her and her mother a bleak chance of survival. But Amy was a fighter and it was her impatience to see the world that saved the mother-daughter duo.

Amy tried her best to adjust to the Delhi life. The over crowded state transport, the long grueling work hours, the brain storming sessions et al. had made her loose a lot more than just weight. She missed her mom’s fish curry and her grand mom’s pickles. She missed having dinner at the table with the family.

Vikram Kapoor was very hard to please. He would always manage to reach his office sharp at 9.00 am sunshine or rain. It was tough to join his ship and the fact that Amy had; spoke a lot about her talent. Vikram had noticed her work during an inter college fest and had hand written to her to join his ship. It was upon receiving his letter that Amy had decided to come out of the closet.

Vikram had an eye for talent. He liked Amy’s dedication, her impatience for perfection, her creativity. Amy on the other hand looked up to her mentor not only for his knowledge, and experience but also because he accepted Amy as she was.

It had been more than 3 years since Amy started interning with Vikram. Her mother and grand mother had by now come to terms with her reality. And it was now normal to see Amy’s kitchen shelf filled with pickle bottles. She still missed the fish curry though. She was sure the ladies back home would convince her father some day. And she was waiting patiently for that moment.

Amy had climbed the corporate ladder sans any favours. Her designs now featured regularly in Vikram’s shows. She was ecstatic when Vikram told her, “You have now graduated to be my colleague”. “I always knew you had an eye for talent!” she had replied back and both had laughed a lot. Vikram offered to showcase her designs under his company’s name at the upcoming Delhi Fashion Week. “They’ll just love you Amy, trust me”, he had said.

That evening Amy walked the ramp with her show stopper under a blitzkrieg of applause. Amy went on to do a lot of shows for Vikram’s company; till the time she thought her name could be a brand by itself.

She thought hard for the designs. This was after all her first solo effort. She was having pickle rice and reading her mother’s letter when she thought of her line’s name. Her mom had ended the letter with her blessings, love and pride for her daughter! Amy knew what she had to design.

The day had finally dawned and Amy had butterflies in her stomach. Her show was slated to be the grand finale of the evening but she had something else on her mind. She had invited her whole family and her mother had promised to bring her father along.

The show was a grand success. They loved her theme: “Out of The Closet”. As Amy took a bow, she saw her family waving to her with tear filled eyes. “Wow, thank you mom for bringing dad”, she said to herself.

As the applause died, the chief guest of the evening came on the stage to present the award to Amy. Amy thanked her family, friends, Vikram and then said something that stunned the crowd and made her father hug her!

She just spoke the truth.

“Honorable audience, colleagues, now that I have finished thanking everyone, I have a few apologies to make. I apologize to my parents for making them go through the misery all by themselves while I ran away to Delhi …”

She went on to narrate her story. “And finally I apologize to the whole world for keeping my real identity under wraps. I Amit Kumar thank you all for liking my brand and helping me truly come out of the closet!”

All Amy, sorry Amit Kumar could see was his father running towards him. No flashbulbs clouded his vision. As Amy collapsed in her father’s arms and loving gaze she knew she had made him proud by doing the right thing.

Looking back on that day, she thought to herself, “You have definitely arrived!”

Running the Marathon (2012)

Surrounded with an air of intrepidity, I went ahead and registered myself for the Mumbai Marathon 2012; in the half marathon (21.1 kms) category. That was way back in August 2011. But as the D-day approached on January 15 2012, my body started giving me hints that this was not ‘meine Kragenweite’. I was running 21 kms (approx.13 miles) for the second time; however this time I was hardly prepared.

The newspapers were running (!) articles on how one should prepare a week before the marathon; what one can expect on the day of the marathon, et.al. I used to read those articles and feel a sense of betrayal towards my body; I had completely ignored its need to get acclimatized to running 21 kms at a stretch.

You see I am a mortal soul who cannot diet, falls prey to temptations, and loves eating junk food. At the same time though, I am extra conscious about my weight (like the rest of the fairer sex). So I generally rid myself of this sin by going for a run. But one must understand the challenges of being a working woman in the city; one just does not seem to have enough time to do; well almost; everything. So even though I wasn’t prepared for the 21 kms run; I was determined to complete it just the same. And I did complete it within 3 hours!!

So I got up early morning at 4.30, dressed in my gear, and with high spirits joined my fellow Mumbaikars. I have always liked the spirit of this kind of congregation. Such events make people (literally) get up and going, keep the city healthy. Some people run for a cause, support some NGO, help raise money for the same. Some run as a part of their CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility), and some just for themselves.

One can catch people dressed up as different mascots supporting varied causes. Many a times I feel that the marathon also brings out general awareness amongst people. You have ‘Anna Hazare’ look-a-likes, shouting slogans against corruption. Celebrities also grace the occasion and the dais. And at the end of it all, you have a healthier city (mind and body wise).

Yesterday’s winner may have been Kenyan Laban Moiben (full marathon, men’s category) and Ethiopian Netsanet Abeyo (full marathon, women’s category); but the real winner was Humanity and Unity!

The year that was (2011) and the year that will be (2012)…

The Time magazine in its latest issue has named the Protester (be it from Tahrir square, Syria, Iran, The Wall Street, or London) as the person of the year. The year 2011 was dotted with controversies and speculations alike at home as well as on the foreign turf.

It started with the Arab spring, which swept the Mubarak and Gaddafi regimes off their feet; restoring the people’s power in Egypt and Libya respectively. The spring moved on to the Occupy Wall street protests by winter. The whole year saw ‘Merkozy’ meets trying to find a possible solution to the Euro Zone crisis. Greece was given financial aid and was told to mend its deficit by 2013. The rest of the debtors were expected not to follow Greece’s path (of glory?!)

Time and again, the meets only discussed the present, providing no concrete solution to the problem at hand. The employment situation has steadily worsened across Europe, with the usual suspects’ (PIIGS) average unemployment rate hovering in the double digit level.

Leaders from Europe’s two strongest economies (Germany and France) met recently to discuss ways to boost growth in euro zone states struggling to overcome the sovereign debt crisis and rising unemployment, and finalize a deal to increase fiscal coordination within the union.

But these talks and summits have been dragged on for some time now and with Greece hanging in the by lanes hoping for a verdict on its side, it’s difficult to see which way the pendulum will swing. Compounding the challenge, both Greece and France face elections early this year.  A major hurdle however in the recovery process includes the slowing labour market and domestic demand.

London in the midst of this was burning under racial riots.

The US seems only a tad better off than Europe. Its economy grew by 1.8% in the last three months to September 2011. A major plus for the US is the decline in its unemployment rate, which dropped to 8.5% in December. From April through October, the unemployment rate remained in the range of 9.0 to 9.2%. The Federal Reserve meanwhile has not closed doors on accommodative policies. The country will also now face elections in Nov’ 2012 and it remains to be seen how the common man benefits in this race to the White House.

Economists have predicted more tough times ahead.

On the domestic front the economy was losing steam, GDP growth had started slowing down with the industrial production growth rate in the negative. High inflation was putting pressure on the interest rates and on top of this the currency had started depreciating against the US Dollar.

On the political front, wrong economic decisions cost European politicians their power seats. (Italian PM Berlusconi's government was overthrown).  Indian politics too is going through tough times, with Team Anna protesting against the Lokpal bill, and the overall political gridlock. Major Indian states will go in for the Lok Sabha poll this year and the fate of the current ruling party hangs on... Let’s pray that this won’t turn out to be a note for vote election.  

All in all the year 2011 was tumultuous. Here’s hoping that 2012 will bring peace and prosperity to all…  

Of new beginnings and New Year resolutions…

It’s the busiest time of the year, the end of the season sales, long holidays, huge discounts, and weddings (if you happen to be in India)! I look at this season as the season of new beginnings; then be it resolutions, weddings, shopping, et al.  

Speaking of resolutions, what is your new year resolution this time around? Is it still to be a better person? To score well? To play that one shot perfect; the one that got you out bowled on a duck…? Seriously what is it? As children we were taught in school to make a resolution as the clock struck midnight and the next day to write an essay on it… (hmm, may be that’s why I have stopped taking resolutions seriously!) The thought of writing an elaborative essay still gives me the shivers. All said and done though, making resolutions is fun! It can range from the normal, I’ll reach office on time to get in to shape for this year, catch up on reading, go on long(er) vacations… of course there are those sorts who claim that there is no need to make a resolution only on new year’s eve, every day one should strive to achieve something new! (Seriously?!).

But if you let go of your inhibitions, and conquer your fears you can actually look at life from a different angle (my last year’s resolution). This had happened to me, we had gone sky diving in Germany and that was my real experience of facing the ultimate fear! As I let go of the jet, and went into a freefall tailspin; I actually saw a spherical earth! I mean, that’s what we have always known for a fact that the earth is round; but to actually feel it is so different.

So let go of your inhibitions and face the fears with your chin up, life has strange ways of throwing you facts in a different way!